I am a proud female boasting of having a wonderful and congenial atmosphere at home with no or minimal differences.” Like today was a typical example. The cook came and asked me what she had to cook for the evening. I instructed her to make aloo bhaji and rotis but insisted that she check with ma as well. She went to ma asking the same question. ‘Aj kya banana’ and came back with exactly the same set of instructions. I was surprisingly proud of myself for having the same wavelength.Interestingly not all days are same, and not all conversations end in the same match. However, and its not for the lack of congeniality in atmosphere, but sometimes for a tinge bit overdose of it. Like a day when I came back from a hectic workout schedule wanting to prepare a light breakfast or get it from outside as we normally do on weekends, but my mum in law had already boiled potatoes for stuffed paranthas. Or some other day when she would make stuffed mooli parantha and insist on me eating it and when I refuse would get offended.
The Question is when to say NO to an elderly person when in your heart you know they are all with good intentions. How to draw that line. Often as daughter in law, I have found myself in this dilemma. But the question is much larger than just from the perspective a daughter in law mother in law perspective. I think it requires everyone involve to give a genuine thought about respect and consent. Does a person want it? But we in the four walls choose to not look at the basic determinant that keeps all relationships alive at its core, Mutual respect for each other. The ability to take no for an answer. an ability to develop an environment when No is an acceptable response.
In today's world where everyone is expected to fall in line, to agree to a line of thought , to NOT DISAGREE, shouldn't our homes be the first training grounds for nurturing healthy disagreements. The true meaning where its okay for one to be right without other to be wrong, to Agree to Disagree is something that requires its seeds to be sown this very moment and it begins with us at our homes with our elders and children.
