Last day of the year- Truth Bombs

 

Monday, on my Instagram-live I spoke about the need to get up, to see humanity as this beautiful cohesive world. to be aware, to be accepting to coexist.

The challenge in this all is sometimes peaceful existence is inversely proportional to cohesive coexistence. My sister says I use too many big words. Keeping it simple, it would mean, that sometimes lives simply makes it difficult to coexist.

Our lives are full of examples like these strained relationships, politics in workplaces, stereotypes in society, all make it impossible for people to coexist.

Abhay  and Samya in their blogs made a very relevant point when they spoke about gratitude and self-love.  Start with that. With an undying and underlying spirit of gratitude, and kindness towards self. Quite frankly their wisdom came as a surprise to me, I was used to preparing them to be wise Seeing their written work I realized they have been learning faster than I have been teaching them. Let us look at some of the learnings this year, which we learned without being taught.

Be aware-  Most of the times, we are not aware of who we are. We move from one experience from another on an autopilot mode. Being aware of oneself, our belief system helps in understanding our action better.

Sharing- In a world where everything is cutthroat, sharing seems an oxymoron. I like Simon Sinek’s take on the infinite game. His point being – advance a just cause, build trusting teams, Study worthy rivals, prepare for existential flexibility and demonstrate the courage to lead. We used to be taught sharing is caring and now somewhere in the scheme of things we went for the survival of the fittest.

Coexistence- This naturally brings me to the next point. It is much easier to coexist if we learn to share. Sharing is not easy. We have learned to fight for our space. Sharing doesn’t and won’t come naturally. It calls for sacrifice. So does coexistence. Coexistence calls for sacrifice. The challenge is whether we are willing to make that sacrifice now to save our future. Are we willing to discipline ourselves enough so that future generations have a place to grow up as rich and diverse as us? The only answer I get is, we owe it to them. That is my legacy.

For our generations and all to come. Let us move ahead on a road which makes this world great absolute joy. 

Self Love- The Magic

 

By Samya Pandey.

Hello everyone, my name is Samya Pandey I study in grade 6. I love art and craft. So I hope you got my introduction. Now, lets begin with the topic 

So, the topic for today is love. What is love?  Love is an intense feeling of deep affection. The meaning of this sentence is that one feeling you have from your mind. Love is everywhere meaning I love my parents, my friends and myself.  

Why you ask? If you love your self you will be more confident, have better self - worth and be positive. If you love yourself, you can give the best and rock it. To love yourself you should try different thing and even if it’s difficult you can still do it. You should have a self-faith and have fun in your life. Whatever mistakes you did till now forget about it think about the present. As the new year is starting in two days, think about a new life, a new start. Surprise yourself and think of a motto, for an example my mother she have given herself a motto that in next 5 years she wishes to reach her blogs to 5,00,000 people and till now she has completed about 10,000 people and keep your motto that you can and you will and take care of your self. So, with this, I end my blog

Thank you

 

'You-Inner Strength"

 

by Abhay Pandey

Today I am going to write a blog on behalf of my mother.  I don’t write blogs more often. This will be my first blog. I am a gamer. Ask me anything about gaming. Sorry went off-topic.

So the topic for the week is Gratitude. So what is gratitude? Gratitude is a sign to express your emotion when you are thankful for something. Today I am gonna talk about my gratitude, I am thankful for many things, some of them are my family, my friends, myself. Okay now who will not be thankful for these three things, these are the main thing a person can have in their life. If someone thinks that these are not so important in their life, I’ll tell you why are they so much important. Parents, give birth to you and help you grow up. Friends, you can share your life with them. YOU, the most important thing is “YOU” this is not just a word, it is a strength, we don’t feel this strength sometimes when we are in a situation where we cannot calm down. With this, I will end my write up.

Thank you

Introducing the introduction

By Aparna Dwivedi (Gogi Uvach)

 Today I decided to write a blog to celebrate life. But yakshya prashna was how to start . Not that I don't know how to write a blog. I already have a blog but I write about politics or Social issues. I don't think I have written  some thing about myself  or celebrating life.                                   

     Ask me to write about indian political scenario and I will tell you why main opposition party Congress is facing problem. I can tell you that there is problem in leadership in party and what are the issues party are facing. And can give whole gyan about what Congress should do to come back from this position. And not just congress I can give gyan on other political parties based on their performance, data , policies and leaders.                             

However when it comes to things like personal gratitude, or listing area of improvement for myself than it is really problematic area for me.

Writing that is my moto.  And learning to write that us my fight. Identifying that is the main challenge.

Celebrations, Love & Gratitude!

 As we are in the last week of 2020, I am not afraid. For the first time  in 42 years, I am not afraid. Life was surprising and hard but this year taught me something very simple. If I need to live life, I have to go in full swing. It is not about adrenaline rush anymore. It is more about, sense of purpose, a sense of completion, a sense of seeing things through.

A faith which says that life does not begin unless you start. It is not about controlling people or situation but controlling your response to it. I remember some 15 years back we had a personality profiling done for our senior management team where all senior managers were asked to compare each other with animals. I was likened to a cat. I was not sure I liked the comparison but in hindsight, I think I like the reason. He had mentioned that I am like a person, who will land on all fours no matter where I fall and maybe something to do with all 9 lives also. Either way, this year I have come to realize we all have ingrained abilities of cats.

Given the circumstances, we manage to develop the innate ability to be resilient. We rise with every fall stronger, sharper, more in sync with our environment.

Challenges are a way of life and so is uncertainty. What troubles us is we want things to stay a certain way. I guess that is what attachment all about. We get attached to the situation, status, people, feelings, things, memories, etc. Nostalgia is a tricky affair. It can keep us bound for life.

The idea is to feel nostalgic and yet feel grateful for the journey.  No journey is taken alone, we have our family, parents, siblings, friends, mentors, teachers, life itself which gives one love, guidance and faith to make the journey.

Let us today remember all people who have made us possible, in this form. My success is not mine alone. It involves the support of everyone who helped me reach this position.

This week I invite all of you to contribute your journey through your write up. You can write to me at nupurpandey@gmail.com . Meanwhile as is the way, I see you tomorrow on InstaLive, with Joy of Living.

Tomorrow at 5pm- https://www.instagram.com/dwivedinupur/ Join me. 

 

Celebrating Closures- The week that was

 

Today I visited Cubban Park, thanks to my sister. We had decided to explore the city any Cubban Park was our first destination.  On the way back we stopped at a restaurant and had a proper north Indian meal, with Amritsari chole, Makki ki roti and Sarson ka saag, etc 

An amazing finale to an amazing week. This week was unique. I learnt new things, made an effort to push myself beyond my comfort zone finished reading a book, wrote my epitaph,  stood up for myself like never before without feeling guilty, and felt absolutely humbled by the love I received.

My learning from the past week were

-         If you feel stuck, leave your comfort zone.

-         If you are focused nothing else matters.

-         Gratitude makes all problems seem achievable.

-         One’s takeaways depend on personal orientation.

We will continue the celebrations along with Gratitude and love as we enter in new beginnings next year.

Next week we will talk about the spirit of giving, gratitude, and love.

My Christmas- When I truly reached out

Christmas celebrations were awesome. I did an open house today. Persistence, pursuit of knowledge and learning are the mantras that help me interact with people  and enjoy the exchange .  

·         My this year’s mantra is to laugh more  and live full

• ·         Samya enjoyed her Christmas .
• ·         Aparna believes in the power of magic
• ·         Aakansha wishes upgrading her skills and keeping hope.
• ·         Harsh believes in maximizing available resources and not wait for a perfect time to wait for things to happen a certain way. 
• ·         Virender believed that Christmas gives us a time to hope and he has used his time in lockdown to write blogs.

We all contributed to our learning and had a wonderful celebrations!!

Celebration Time!

 

 

I have been attending the Master class of Iron Lady program. Today was the third session.  Each session teaches me something new to do. Iron Lady, is an initiative started by Rajesh Bhatt to empower a million women to reach the top. He is authentic and genuinely appeals to women’s psyche.

I have taken his four principles and am working with them. I also share it with my family members sometimes to be shot down and at others to be looked at with admiration and awe. What keeps me going is the deep child-like excitement. I work late in the night, doze off with a book or the laptop in front of me, engage my kids to think with me, and have never felt so fulfilled.

The best part of this project/ venture is, it feels it's bigger than me. Even when I feel worked out, I do feel a push to keep going.

Iron Lady as a platform professes to go all out. In one of their sessions today I heard an Iron Lady mention Strength profiling. This term was new to me, despite being in the industry for long. Maybe I have lost touch. Especially at a time when I was myself struggling with coming up with building a brand.

My struggle was twofold after I left my full-time job; it was just like some spiritual awakening dawned upon me that everything is a label. My job, my relationship status, my individuality, everything. .However, I did realize that needs to stick with it, more as a tool to get them validated.

After a span of 5 years when a friend approached me for a talk on Instagram Live, I was hesitant to give him any designations. Despite his reservations, he went ahead with the same. Then last week, I was attending a virtual meet up where the host was introducing everyone by name and few lines. My lines revolved around being an authentic human being.

It was a proud moment for me because I had finally achieved the ‘brand’ I had sort after. But now I come back again, in a professional world driven by a goal which is spiritual but needs a differentiator.

Achieving it would be a challenge when all you are aiming is to make difference in people’s lives through helping them be more self-aware and fulfilled. Yet I look forward to achieving it. I feel happy, excited and absolutely celebratory to work for my goal. 

Living On- A wonderful Concept

When we hosted the 13^th day ritual (tehrvi as we call it in hindu culture) after our father died, I was later told, it was hub for gossip. People came and gossiped about how we were managing, they came and talked about the food. I still remember the function (yes that is what I called it). Some 8 years back.

We had my dad’s picture endowed with flowers with some bhajan and candles or diya and probably on one end of the arrangement. No one went there or if they did I wasn’t aware. They came and met us, expressed their condolence, complimented the food and went on their way

Why did we do it? Well other than the ritualistic belief, there was an overpowering faith in our minds (me and my sister’s) that somewhere he was watching us and he would have liked it. We did not care about the rest. We did his last rites, together and no one stopped us, surprisingly. Even when we were standing between some of the most prolific of pandits, no one stopped us or we didn’t wait for anyone to stop us. My sister is like that. I am just getting there.

I don’t think I have ever been scared of death. Having lost my parents I think I have seen death closely. But I lost my father much before he left. So this blog of mine will be very honest.

There have been a couple of times when I wanted to die. Didn’t care much about life. But life happens, and I always found a reason to live. The transition from wanting to die to be okay with living doesn’t seem like much, but it is humongous.

People need support to make that change and they will find it. The only thing a person can do is not be a reason to push them back.

As I started to write today’s blog, I wanted it to be about what my tombstone is going to say. Having seen my father’s funeral, I doubt I am going to get one organized for myself (one can pray), but an epitaph for me is something I would give a shot at.

Let me see-

This is what it will read-

Nupur- Lived, loved and laughed.

I need to work on the third one. Need to laugh more. Am around till I learn to laugh better, dil se. Penning it down because, I realized, I need to say it and be okay with it. 

Tuesdays with Morrie- A gift

 

 The first time I heard about faith in universe per se was courtesy, Shahrukh Khan in his film Om Shanti Om. Till that time I wasn’t aware Paulo Coehlo had anything to do with it.

“Agar Kisi cheez ko dil se chaaho to puri kayanat usey Tumse milane ki koshish mein lag jati hai”

When you really desire something from the heart and soul, all the universe conspires you to achieve it"- Paulo Coelho, the Alchemist

That is what happened to me. As I started this week’s theme, I received a package. The ruckus in the house was astonishing. My husband kept going around asking who had ordered it. The package was in my name but since I don’t order without informing, the mystery was maintained, till I took the package in the hands only to announce that it’s a book. (I have no idea why everyone thought it will burst open into flames if they touch it.) My sister immediately interjected, Oh it would be from Prabhat!

Prabhat bhaiya,  a veteran journalist and an author himself,  had sent me a list of books a couple of weeks back. I was reading one of them. We discussed Tuesday with Morrie. But never had I imagined that this will become my Christmas gift.

I love receiving books as gifts. For me, if someone gifts a book they deem me worthy of sharing knowledge. I  feel honoured.

Tuesdays with Morrie is all about celebrating death. It relieves a person of the drudgery of life and truly explains what is important. As I read the book I am reminded of a discussion I had with a friend some 20 years backs. (Yes that is what this book will do to you, take you down the memory lanes on your own conversations and experience about death)

A friend of mine in a manner of speech said, “I am dead sure of it.” Now me being me, quickly stopped him and asked, ‘why dead sure, why not life sure”. His point was death is the only certainty and my point was so is life. Obviously, we did not take the discussion any further. (what do you expect of a couple of 20 yrs old?)

The message though is not very different. If you knew that today would be your last day, how would you want to live? Are you living a life of regrets and guilts?

The idea is to choose your priorities. Choose Love, compassion, kindness, gratitude for self and others.

 Bhaiya’s gesture of giving me this book makes me feel honoured and humbled at the same time. There is so much I need to learn and I can only feel grateful that I have mentors and guides like Prabhat bhaiya who are helping me through my journey.

Closures, Celebrations and Gratitude

 

The most difficult bit about closure is the need to understand why it happened to me. The ambiguity, the lack of answers keeps one wallowing in self-pity and at other times indulges in self-destructive behaviour.

Quite recently someone shared a story of a wife of army martyr whose body was never found in the war. His wife waited for good 20 years in the hope that he might be alive for him to come back. When asked why she did not marry again, she said, she hoped for him to come back. She never really got closure. She never lost hope.

It wasn’t that she stopped her life. I think she was probably working also, but the hope that someday she might see her husband keeps her alive probably to date.

The way this story was shared with me, the person felt sorry for her. However, there is another way of looking at it. Probably she is choosing to wait. Hope is grand. It keeps us going from one day to another, from one emotion to another.

It helps us celebrate. But what about closure? Do we really need it then?

The answer to this lies in introspection. Sometimes we have closure and anything beyond that will make us feel vulnerable. When we are ready for a loss and prepared for it, closure is easy, but when it’s sudden we end up feeling cheated.

My experience for dealing with closures is

1.    Acknowledgement- Acknowledging the fact that someone needs a closure is the first step to getting one. Most of our lives we go on without the realization that we are hurting and need to heal to move on. Our pain needs to be acknowledged.

2.    Gratitude- Being thankful work wonders, at the moment. We need to be grateful for everything we have. Gratitude helps us move on.

3.    Celebrate- Celebrate your milestone. See yourself through each and every difficulty with the support of loved ones.

The path to healing is a road full of ups and downs sometimes it takes time and may feel like a difficult ride. Give yourself time. It is worth the effort.

Celebrating Closures

It is amazing how things work out. I knew I had to work with closure as a theme for the week but I wasn’t comfortable. Last night as I sat to make my poster, it dawned upon me the need to celebrate closures. I got up in the morning still uncertain, (dilemma of a writer). Somehow the word closure was troubling me and then I went back and saw the poster I had made yesterday.

It said, “Every day of your life is a special occasion” This year has been especially hard. All of us undergo a lot of hardships at some point in time,  but this year was hard on all of us. Maybe that is why a wave of empathy like never before has struck in the hearts of many people.

Be it support for migrant population, with food, transportation, travel kit, or whatever one could afford or arrange platelet donations for COVID patients, we saw people lining up to do their bit.

In a time where some people couldn’t even say proper goodbyes to their loved ones, achieving closure is one of the hardest things. People who have lost their jobs, homes, loved ones would probably still be struggling with closures.

The truth of the matter is, closures take time. The state of being able to put something behind you so that you can move on takes strength and time. Give yourself time. You need it because you need time to heal yourself.

But celebrate your milestones, on your path to healing is the fastest way of moving on. Celebrate your victories, no matter how small they feel. Share your achievement no matter how irrelevant they look, celebrate your success when everyone around you tells you otherwise. This is the fastest way to reach your destination.

Tomorrow on Instagram Live, we talk about how does closure work or is closure really required?

Join me tomorrow at 5:00pm on Insta Live https://www.instagram.com/dwivedinupur/

Commitment, Gratitude and Design Thinking

 

Today I attended my first session on Design Thinking conducted by S. Rajeshwari  (lovingly referred to as Raji), which got me thinking about the role of commitment. The beauty of design thinking is the empathy component.  Raji wears multiple hats, as an entrepreneur, as a mother as Lean In Leader, she is a dynamic person. She integrated design thinking with a personal challenge; mine obviously was losing weight.

Later in the day, I was looking at my latest commitment, with writing, of working towards creating an aware and positive world. I was feeling grateful. My writing, Lean In group, Gratitude and now design thinking, all seem to be a part of a bigger plan.

I do feel confused, where am I going with this? Then my sister shared this quote by Mark Zuckerberg.

“I started this site (Facebook) when I was 19. I didn’t know much about business back then.”

The caption underneath read, The biggest key to success is to start doing, You will figure all the sh** out on the way.

There is a difference though. He was 19 and I am 42. He started his first business venture and this is my third attempt to start something. The first two did not go beyond successful testing of prototype and in second case Ideation.

I am no Mark Zuckerberg, but I know learning from my experience will keep me committed. Raji gave an example of Amazon, that they did not wait for the ecosystem to be conducive, they started.

I am also starting with the spirit of hope and love and gratitude.  Will continue the work and so far things have been falling in place. I am grateful for that. 

Learning from the Week- Commitment

 

In the morning today my sister shared this Times business news which read Mrs vectors food from Rs.300 home kitchen to Rs.1000 crore company she wanted me to Right and blog or say something about it in the perspective of commitment I read through the news item and it is an inspiring story of how people have how Mrs Bector has come up from small house owned a bakery for a short form of a social circle to now a huge company of thousand crores.

In the evening today I had invited Garima Dutt to share her experience on commitment. Garima wears a lot of hats, an entrepreneur, art aficionado, and an artist herself, mother of 2 and a half year old. Her share told another story of commitment through learning, persistence and focus.

There are a couple of learning from my interaction and observation-

1. -         Commitment requires conviction, and it is not easy because, despite all support, your biggest challenge comes from your most close circles or even within.
2. -         Commitment creates opportunities. When you are committed you do not stop. You keep going. One doesn’t wait for a door to open, they create ways.
3. -         Commitment attracts results. Even if one is unsure of how commitment helps to reach the destination surprisingly.
4. -         Commitment gives confidence in our potential.
5. -         It helps deal with the inconsequential.

 

Political commitment, leadership commitment, personal commitment, spiritual commitment, it just drives us to outperform ourselves. Commitment is a long drawn process. It doesn’t come overnight. It is a lifestyle choice. But once committed, it is effortless.

 

Personalize your Commitment

 

I found this picture as part of #standwithfarmerschallenge. This child has the most innocent and pure smile. What is a commitment for this child? She doesn’t know big words like vision or purpose or rights and maybe fails to even understand the gravity of the situation. However, what is clear is the understanding that she sees her community needed her to step up. She sees her role and she enjoys the responsibility. Most importantly, she feels safe. Everything is reflected in her innocent demeanour.

I was listening to Simon Sinek today, one of my guiding lights. He mentioned that everyone cannot be a visionary, and that is okay. Just like everyone cannot be good at math (his words exactly) it is not necessary for all people to visualize. So what happens then? What do we commit ourselves too? Simon says that one can find someone else's vision which they closely relate to and make their own. It may take a couple of tries to make it stick, but sounds like a plan to start with

Going back to our little angel, what do you think she is committing herself to? The cause? I am not so sure, she is committing herself to her family, her community. Her vision will be to see her community happy. She is committing herself without an active realization of doing so and yet her vision is working for her.

Commitment is an act of choice but what if a commitment is not a choice? What if, it is an involuntary commitment? However before I use the term loosely, there is a medical and legal definition of it. It is essentially a legal process through which an individual who is deemed by a qualified agent to have symptoms of severe mental disorder is detained in a psychiatric hospital where they can be treated involuntarily. (Reference Wikipedia)

Keeping this extreme at one end, if we are to simply refer to an act of commitment without consent or unwillingly commit, how far do you think that would take the person? An act of commitment is an act of conviction. The conviction which comes about as part of understanding oneself, learning and experience and the knowledge that this is a choice that they are making for themselves.

The prerequisite to commitment is what lay in the smile of the little angel-

1. -         The knowledge that whatever she is doing is bigger than her (purpose)
2. -         Faith that it is for good. (belief)
3. -         Security that even in this struggle she will be protected. (Support System), and
4. -         Spark in eyes from the happiness of feeding others (Content) 

Personalize your commitment irrespective of situation.

Commitment & Health

I am not about to start with committing to a healthy lifestyle. It is difficult for me and am working on it. Till date, it’s a journey of failed promises to me but the battle carries.

Today the blog is all about conviction to commitment when the challenge is health-related. How does your commitment work when your health does not really support you? How do you take the next step when just can’t?

Today is one such day. I had committed to myself that I will write a blog every day, but today is a difficult day. I am unable to write. Therefore I make a choice today

• -         I share my dilemma with readers
• -         I will not get too caught up with my expectations from myself
• -         I will give myself a break and be kind to me.

So today’s blog is just me keeping my promise to myself and at the same time, ensuring I am able to offer something.

 Surprisingly so I did manage to keep my commitment, even when I thought I couldn't. My learning for today, when committed, your drive works better than your pain and ensures that you are able to push yourself. 

Commitment Anatomy- A version

 

 Quite recently I saw a planner for 2021. It had some very pertinent questions like what was last year all about? Statements and questions about the past year, memories, accomplishments, forgiveness, etc. The same set of questions in a similar format about the coming year.  With 2021 fast approaching we are desperate to make commitments work. We want to make promises and keep them. However, there is a catch. 2020, has proved the volatility of the current circumstances and revealed our vulnerability given the situation. Our fragility is a newfound phenomenon, however with questions that really took us deep into what has worked for us despite adversity somewhere works at rewiring the brain.

Let us look at how?

Today I came across Triune Brain Version theory, developed by Paul Maclean in 1960s. It basically divides the brain into 3 parts- Reptilian Brain, Mammalian Brain & Homosapien Brain.

Lizard Brain as is commonly referred works on a fight or flight mode. It works on Autopilot, so if higher functions of the brain shut down, Lizard brain ensures that all our body functions are working normally.

Mammalian brain or skittish cat as Peter Hollins refers to it in his book Neuro Discipline, is the limbic brain responsible for emotions and feelings.

The human Brain or the neocortex is the voice of rationale and logic. Responsible for intellectual and executive functioning, it is the home for conscious thought and self-awareness.

Since our lizard brain is mostly on autopilot, it doesn’t take much effort unless of course there is a threat which requires it to go into fight or flight mode. The challenge starts with the limbic and prefrontal cortex. Basically one is telling you, look buddy 2020 is gone, vaccines are out, with precautions things will start coming to normal, as long as you give it a chance. Just be careful.

Now the limbic brain has had its hands burnt, so it's looking for danger in places where there is no reason to find one. And what you are looking for ultimately finds you. The danger in some form does land up and once that happens, our emotions do the rest.

Commitment, for example is a conscious choice, but the minute limbic brain tells you, it's not working,  and unless you have a predetermined plan, of how are you going to fight that voice in your head which tells you- not happening, your commitment is no good.

As Dr Merzenich (Dr. Michael Merzenich) said, “The whole idea is to build a stronger machine in all of its operations.  If your brain is really vital, if it’s really in command, if it’s really stable and not easily carried off the mark, you’re going to keep your commitments.”

Some of the things that have worked for me are- Gratitude Journal, Support circle, Reading, Faith, Meditation and doing one new thing every day. Keeps me challenged!

Commitment versus Attachment

While pondering upon how I will approach my Instagram Live today, my thought process took me to word ‘attachment’.  There is a sure shot link between the two, and yet I felt something was amiss. I realized that Commitment is a journey which one undertakes consciously. You cannot commit to something by fluke. It is a mindful decision that one takes.

This brings me to my second thought (I certainly do have a lot of thoughts), the concept of ownership. Commitment enables ownership.  Once a person gets into a mode of commitment that they are making, they tend to take responsibility for action and work to rectify errors instead of staying with it. This is how commitment is different from attachment. Attachment makes you fret over every mistake, every error and every slip-up. It holds you back. Commitment helps you move forward

Commitment makes life effortless whereas attachment is painful.  It is not to suggest that commitment journey will not have its ups and downs but since it’s such a forward-looking journey, one doesn’t get stuck. Attachment makes it difficult to move.

Commitment is inward and attachment is outward- One tends to look outward for attachment, a thing, a place, a person, an emotion, a memory, anything. Commitment is inward, it doesn’t need a reason. It is to the moment.

The question then arises, is one possible without another. Can you commit without being attached? Or can you get attached without committing?

I came across ‘Three the component model of Commitment’ developed by John Meyers and Natalie Allen. They speak, in organizational context  three kinds of commitment – Affective Commitment (developing affection), Continuance commitment (need-based commitment- out of compulsion)  and normative commitment( Need-based- out of guilt)

Our life is also like that. Being committed because of attachment is continuance or normative commitment. One is stuck with it because of guilt or fear. None of these reasons are healthy. Only when one develops an affection or conviction does commitment work.

Coming to the second question- Is attachment possible without commitment? Attachment is our second nature. We need to be attached to sustain. However, despite the difference, it is difficult to view one without another. The only way out is to realize when one is falling into the trap of attachment. Make commitment your strength, not attachment.

 

Commitment – A Versatile term

 

 

Is commitment a belief or a promise? Is it applicable to relationships or work? Is it possible for one person to be committed in one area of life and ignore others?  Is it an act or a feeling? Is it different from motivation?

Commitment was suggested as an issue by my husband. When he suggested it, I knew I had to go with it. Two reasons for that- His contribution was a sign of his commitment towards my vision and more importantly because commitment is an underlying tenet of any relationship, but the interpretation can vary and with that, another thought crossed my mind. Commitment to a relationship is established both explicitly and implicitly but what about other areas of life, Commitment to work, commitment to self, commitment to faith, commitment to our purpose.

Another question is, what is a big deal about commitment?

Ek baar jo maine commitment kar di, toh phir main khudki bhi nahi sunta (Once I commit, then I don’t even listen to myself)

With this dialogue Salman Khan became the epitome of machismo. I myself have quoted this a number of times. Frankly speaking, I don’t understand what the big deal is. We grow up making promises, commitments to ourselves and others. Why is it at a certain time we get fixated on keeping them all the time? Does it not lead to stressing oneself?

Is that an indication that commitments are a waste of time? No, absolutely not. However,  I do think we as individuals need to realize the investment in making a commitment and then learn to make sound commitments, so wisdom is what is primary at this stage.

I love the quote that I have used in my poster. “People who wonder if the glass is half empty or full miss the point. The glass is refillable.”

This is exactly the case for commitment. If you do miss, you do have a chance to pick up where you left off.

Tomorrow in my Instagram Live, we talk about aspects of commitment, fear of commitment and expectations around commitment. Log in https://www.instagram.com/dwivedinupur/ @5pm to find out more about the issue.

Let us take this journey together to find out more about Commitment.

Focus – A Journey

 

I was never a focused person. I remember meeting someone for a meeting first time and getting feedback that she was disappointed by how disorganized I looked. Initially, I thought, it was because of the way I dressed, or how I looked, or spoke, or maybe a combination of those. As time progressed I realized it was none of these things.

When I met this person, I had been juggling a lot of responsibilities and struggling with it. The struggle showed in the way, I carried myself. She was just candid enough to say it.

My learning on focus then was simple- If life throws lemons at you, you will not be able to make lemonade unless you know how to make it. Give yourself time.  When everything comes falling on your head, a sermon on focus seems farcical.

Even though I don’t like to accept it, my friendship with focus began recently on my spiritual journey. During the lockdown, in growing loneliness, I turned to my faith to get me through the anxiety. I started the meditation as a habit for 21 days first and then kept doing it every day till I completed the goal I had kept myself. (yes I had a goal for meditation). One that was done, I realized I could maybe replicate the same model in other areas of my life. Hence began the writing journey.  There were a couple of learnings from this

-         You will find something to focus your energies on when the time is right and when you are ready to do so.

-         You can develop your own model of focus which is absolutely replicable in other areas of life as well.  

-         You need not have all the answers from the beginning. Sometimes starting is what matters, rest everything falls in place.

The lovely part about focus is,  it always there is no certainty about it. One minute you are focused and another minute you are wandering in the lush green garden, and one hour has passed on Facebook. For me what worked was planning which involved everything.  Earlier I used to stress about ticking each one of the lists but then, I started giving myself some leverage.

Learning- Planners are made to help you and not enslave you. You don’t work for them, they work for you.

Focusing is an ongoing effort and no two days are alike, some start with heightened concentration and end with distractions and others when things don’t seem to start your way and then suddenly you let go, and everything ends up falling back in place.