The Language of Coping

 

                                                              

I found an interesting discussion point in one of the groups that I am a part of on Facebook. It discussed what I wished I learned against what I was taught. Clearly, the author was keen on learning about mental health, self- care, mindfulness, emotional management, personal management and financial management. (picture attached)

The discussion which followed was equally interesting. Some agreed, others challenged the current education system and some others congratulated this generation’s parenting for understanding the need for developing strong mental health. But this discussion seemed god sent, especially after I decided to do a week-long issue on coping. Hence the introduction. 

But to think of it, why is there a need to bring mental health education or coping mechanisms as part of the school curriculum? The answer lies in our day to day interactions. Have you heard of some atypical sentences that we often associate with developing gender bias in children- boys will be boys, boys don’t cry, Pink for girls and blue for boys, you throw like a girl or my girl is a tomboy.

What are these? These are parent’s way of hushing or explaining emotional or physical issues in children. We now know them as stereotypes. But what does it have to do with coping? I think these stereotypes are a way to suppress our emotional issues, put them under the rug kind of approach.

A child who grows up with these stereotypes, never really knows how to deal with them. They even learn not to acknowledge them. As a result, we see generations inundated in a false sense of control. However, one trigger is enough to break this fallacy. Something like a rift at the workplace, grief of losing someone close or even a setback in a quixotic relationship can send a person to bouts of anxiety. Our society does not know how to prepare the generation. And what it doesn’t know, it can’t teach. Hence the need to introduce something which will give a sense of certainty and direction. Introducing a structured curriculum can ascertain,

• a-     Objectives and goals- It is impossible to deal with all emotions or forecast all situations a person is going to face, how one can develop skills and behaviours proactively deal with any situation.
• b-     The prescribed use of language. What to say, how to say and equally importantly what not to say. What we say leaves and impact, especially during the formative years. Children are exposed to language, parliamentary and un-parliamentary, at the tip of their hand. TV, Internet, News, everything is laced is a different variation of language, sometimes even self-harming. Positive self talk, identifying distress can not only help self but also lead to a more aware society. 
• c-      Performance Standard- Unlike standard curriculum, one has to be very careful of not typecasting the children. One just cannot afford to introduce stereotypes within the structure made to break stereotypes, especially one that doesn’t require performance indicator in the first place. The idea should be to provide a broad guideline to positively manoeuvre the course of children’s life. Informed decision making is the key to developing healthy coping strategies.

As a parent, I often face something very basic. We were brought up with a certain set of rules and regulations and the current generation warrants something completely different. Some reasons I have already touched upon like kind of exposure, fast-paced environment, changing expectations, etc. Under the circumstances, we need help and its clear that something structured will go a long way in developing the child's preparation for the future.