Self Awareness and First Impressions

There are certain traits I have observed in human interactions. You do not like or dislike a pitch. You like or dislike a person! Sounds harsh doesn't it. Picture this. 

You meet someone and they send you a 'vibe'. Immediately based on the vibe you reach to a conclusion. 'I like what they are going to say or I won't like what they are going to say. Isn't  that what first impressions all about?'

According to Mindtools, it takes all of three seconds for someone to make an opinion about you. What are the basis of this opinion formation- how does a person reach a conclusion and that too in such short span. 

The article went on to say appearance, mannerisms, dressing sense, etc etc etc. So I went digging. Here is what I found. 

We have all known what Michelle Obama endured as the first lady of USA. But here are some unkindly words she has been subjected to-

She’s a “feminist nightmare” for focusing on her family. (Michelle Cottle, writing in Politico)

 She’s not classy enough and is an “atrocity” as first lady: “She makes a fool of herself — every time she comes on TV, I have to turn it off. Laura Bush was so classy, and that’s what we really need again.” (Laurie Boilard, quoted by Bloomberg Politics at a party for a Republican candidate’s wife)

She is an “ape in heels.” (Pamela Ramsey Taylor, director of Clay County Development Corp., Clay, W.Va., who later swore she was not racist.)WashingtonPost.com

 I look at Michelle and find her an embodiment of spirit, talent and grit. What was I seeing so differently?

From the time I was very young, we were taught to look a certain way (quite a lot to do with the convent education) I received. I complied and grew up with the notion, when in Rome do as Romans do. However post schooling it all went downhill and no amount of management education could "fix" me. I suffered the backlash as well, was often judged for my appearance both professionally and personally till the time I gave up trying to fight the battle.  

But then I met some people who valued my presence irrespective of the first, second or third impressions I gave them, which taught me an important lesson, very late in life. 

People make opinions not based on first impressions but what they choose to see.

I can see someone and see beauty whereas others might see atrocity. According to me these are the things that govern the first impression-

a- State of mind - If I am feeling doubtful, trapped, frustrated, it is unlikely I will be open and look at people from my limited sense. 

b- Environment- If I do not have enough exposure then I will only see people based on my environment rather than trying to see them from where they are coming from. 

c- Conditioning- Essentially refers to stereotyping conscious and unconscious. 

Once we are aware of where we are coming from (self aware) it is much easier to see where others can come from. Give people time.